FAMILY DRAMA in Babylon: Young patrician denounces his mother over "cutbacks" to his wardrobe

c. 1750 B.C. (Old Babylonian Period)

BABYLON. — Keeping up appearances in high Babylonian society does not come cheap, and the pressure to flaunt the best outfit atop the ziggurats is wreaking havoc among the wealthiest families. This week, Ziggurat Press has gained exclusive access to a private tablet that lays bare the brutal personal branding crisis afflicting young Iddin-Sin, a "nepo baby" of the local elite, who has erupted against the CEO of his household: his very own mother, Lady Zinu.

The cause of the dispute is neither the inheritance of land nor control of the trade routes, but a drastic cut to his fashion budget.

The drama of the Bronze Age "Influencers"

In his missive, Iddin-Sin spares no melodrama in describing how his mother is sabotaging his public image before the other young patricians.

"Year by year, the clothing of the young gentlemen here gets better and better, yet you let my clothing get worse year after year," the youth complains, betraying a clear failure to refresh his wardrobe. "You have been set on making my clothes poorer and scantier. In an age when wool is consumed in our house like bread, you dress me like a pauper!"

Sources close to the family confirm that Lady Zinu runs one of the most prosperous estates in the city, with an enviable surplus of wool, which makes the austerity policy applied to her son all the more baffling to the young fashion victim.

Emotional blackmail and sibling rivalry

But the real gossip arrives when Iddin-Sin trots out the odious comparisons. The young man accuses his mother of favoring the children of the staff over her own flesh and blood.

The barb is aimed squarely at the son of Adad-iddinam, a mere assistant to Iddin-Sin's father. According to the plaintiff, this young man has just debuted "two new sets of clothing," while Lady Zinu "makes a scene over giving me a single set."

To close his grievance, Iddin-Sin resorts to the ultimate tactic of filial manipulation, leaving behind a line for the annals of family drama: "Even though you gave birth to me and his mother only adopted him… his mother loves him, whereas you, you do not love me!"

Whether Lady Zinu has yielded to the pressure and released the wool funds to update her son's look remains unknown, but this incident proves that, even nearly four millennia ago, the pressure to fit in with the season's trends could touch off an outright civil war at home.

DOES YOUR MOTHER LOVE YOU, OR JUST DRESS YOU OUT OF OBLIGATION?

Don't let the assistant's son upstage you at the Ziggurat with his two new outfits. Demand the wool that is yours by birthright.

CLAIM MY OUTFIT (BY LAW) *